My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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