last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
