did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bring money and cleavage
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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