I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
