I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
