The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
