Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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