no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize