"it" just moved
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
