You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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