the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
