Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
