My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
