Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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