i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i think i just lost a toe
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
