someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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