There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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