I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
