Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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