Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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