I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
