loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
