god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she looked like the before picture.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found your dick twin last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
