he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk is not a location!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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