I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like sorry your dick wonβt suck itself?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
