I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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