My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
