i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dick very happy bro
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
