Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
