she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
