I accidentally had phone sex last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
