She is in my trunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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