you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
