you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
