don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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