Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize