I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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