Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
