i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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