Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
