I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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