My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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