you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
