there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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