I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
