In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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