just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
