woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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