I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want her autograph on my taint
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
