I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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