what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
