I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
