"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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