She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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