drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
