One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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