i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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