dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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