put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
