I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
