the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
