we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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