So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
