I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
