I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
