Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dear god my vagina.
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