I want to have your abortion
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
