I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
