Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
