and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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