I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
