I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
