see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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