He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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