Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
