90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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