I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
