I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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