hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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