well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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