i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
