pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
