the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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