dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
